Maybe acting profane was what I thoughht I was supposed to do. Had a couple of rude things happen to me this afternoon before I could smell a whiff of the troubles ahead. First thing I did when I got out of bed was to land straight down on the wet floor. Stuck my foot on the bed post, I guessed. And I landed flat on my chest… and had to punch my nose straight before I got myself breathing again.
The sun was breathing down on my head when I walked out. Didn’t take long to realize it was noon, and was pretty bad at it. My arms were wet before I could gun my bitch. She’s a rough ride; got a round face and a stained YAMAHA written across her bulge. She took a while to get started, maybe I was upon her a bit too soon. Didn’t care much though, she always gets along that way.
Stopped at a bakery some 300 yards off my garage, and grabbed some bread for the evening toast… realized I already had a goat freezing herself back in my kitchen, so didn’t go any further. Knew it didn’t take long to roast some cattle for dinner, so decided to save some gas on my bitch. She screamed around last week when I drove her to the little farm down the country, and left much for me to guess that she needed some real screwing up. Cost me some three hundred rupee bills. Had to be soft on her this time around.
There was no water in the tub when I got back, and neither in the taps in the backyard. The bush was dying, I knew that since long, but I preferred her that way. Probably because she didn’t smell much when she got roasted . I remember the rains when the bush was all greened up. It had a weird smell, I’ll call that repulsive, and in the evenings it rained down millions of squealing mosquitoes straight into my bedroom. The guys stayed in till the moon went up, so I didn’t have much to do other than rush out and ride my bitch. Well, she didn’t have much to do this time, so I realized. Everytime I was in soup I ran straight to her to get myself out of trouble, and it was kinda impulsive on my part to run straight at her again. But I knew she couldn’t take me anywhere in the world away from those blasted bloodsuckers, so I decided to set the bush on fire. The asshole was all wet, and knew I couldn’t light her up, so she stayed where she was. I took two cans of neat gas off my rover and emptied them on the bush, and this time she knew she was in trouble. She crouched around for a while and stayed quite until I let the little stick of fire fall on her. Within moments she was up in flames, and took those millions of bloodsuckers down with her, along with the peanut eggs they laid all day after fucking around in my air. That night it was all warmed up, and I had a good sleep under the bonfire…. but tonight things were different. I didn’t need to light up matches to warm it up, the sun had done it pretty well, and the hedge was dead like a skull. That it didn’t sport a smell was the only good thing about the buster.
It hadn’t rained for a while this time around, and like I said, the taps were running dry too. My water cans were the only wet things in the house, and my bitch had stored some stuff in her belly. I hope the stuff was enough to carry me to the store where I could fill up my tubs again. Had some beer in the freezer, but surely couldn’t wash myself in them. So I did what I could do best with them… drained a couple of cans down my spine before kicking them out into the backyard. It was already 5 in the evening when I took the goat off my fridge, and I had to switch on a couple of dims coz the sun was already on its way down. It was hot, I tell you, for I didn’t see any cloud hovering above my house for the entire afternoon, and thought the sun had a field day. Lucky dude!
Well, it was good for me too… for one, there were no bloodsuckers around; two, didn’t have to burn up the heat and start counting on the bills to be paid next week. That could only happen if the frog could realize its pay-up time. The frog is my employer… pays me five hundred bucks a week for all the delivery stuff I do for his highway store. Call him the frog coz his cheeks keep fluffing around when he breathes in and out, just like those green deadwater reptiles. He’s kinda fat, but somehow manages to store most of it in his face, which almost buried his nose within. I have a feeling he doesn’t use his nose anymore, coz I always find his mouth open. Boy, you should see him when he lies dead on his reclining chair back in the store… keeps his mouth open as if he wishes to down one choc doughnut all at once. He’s funny man, but only when he’d dead in his chair. Just can’t miss the obvious frown when I go bugging him for the weekend bills. Hell, he does pay… I never said he doesn’t… but I think its fun jumping around your fluffy boss just for kicks and getting him all red in the process.
So lets get back to my room… I guess I’ve gone astray a little too frequently in the past few minutes. But that does happen… to most people I suppose, there’s no use bitching about it all over again. Okay, the goat’s out of the ice, the bread’s all warmed up and a beer can for the evening sound all fine and hot, but I do feel a bit lonely out here with just a couple of tubes for company. Thought about inviting the frog in for dinner, but the fatty would gulp so much he would upset my stores for the entire month, and then there’s the issue of the bed. Last time he came in, he went so high on beer that he chose my own bed for the rest of the night, and I had a tough time moving his ugly frame so I could find some space for myself. That was a horror night I tell you. I mean, sleeping with a fat buddy that’s full on roast chicken n beer isn’t always gonna be pleasant. The guy really burped so badthat night, I sweared to God that I would never call him in again. So staying alone in a dark night was preferable for me than calling in the bugger who just came in for the food. He talked little, so little that I really wondered if he was aware of my presence in ‘my fucking house’. Uh… well… I deviated again. That does happen to me all the time, especially when I got such fun stories to tell. Not all of them are funny, I suppose, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t interesting. Anyway…
The dinner was done in some thirty minutes or do. I had smeared the roast with some lemon that tasted awesome. A little bit of bun here, some beer there, and a couple of pounds of roast meat was what I needed to cheer myself up. Didn’t really feel lonely when I started off, and I’m sure I wouldn’t have treated the frog to one little bit in case I invited him again. That obviously sounds far fetched, but I’ve known myself to have acted in contradiction to my regular moods quite a few times. Don’t know if I should call it a MPD, but this ‘nice guy’ creeps in sometimes, doing good to people that I detest with all my heart. I’ll be thankful to the nice guy this time that h didn’t call up the frog again and ruin my party in the process.
God, its dark. There ain’t a neighbor within 200 yards of my house, and I do love this location most of the time, but not when its dark. Its not that I have a “Ghost phobia” or something, its just too dead and dumb out here at night, with all those night- creatures screaming out of the hedges around the yard. Once I am done with the kitchen post- dinner, I’d rather prefer another can of Fosters and maybe a little walk around the park with that dreadful flashlight of mine. Don’t know if I’ll actually prefer a walk now with my belly all stuffed up, I might as well listen to some Pink Floyd under the blue light. Anyway, its been a fun day I suppose. Now, now, don’t screw your head wondering how funny the day was. My definition of fun is like when nothing screwy happened to me, or to put it in other words, I lived off a day without suffering a scratch. Today was one… don’t know much about tomorrow… maybe the frog might come up wih an incentive or two…. Maybe he wont. All possibilities, man.
Well, I chose the easier option. Pink Floyd is alive and kicking; and me under the covers, contemplating… nothing. These guys are cool, they really are. I feel what they sing, right through my veins. Am not sure how am feeling right now. Comfortably numb? Maybe. :)
